When my ex and I were dating we were off and on. Every few months the guilt would start to get to him and we’d break up. It never lasted more than a week or two. We were comfortable together even though I think in our hearts we both knew that we would be happier with other people. Neither one of us really wanted to be alone and then we ended up pregnant. We were broken up at the time, but got back together for obvious reasons. Over a year later we decided the best thing to do was to get married. I thought for sure after that our “off again, on again” days were threw. I was rather naïve and thought that marriage would change everything. In a perfect world maybe it would have, but it didn’t take long before he was back to his old ways and we separated. Our son was fifteen months old and luckily couldn’t comprehend everything that was going on at the time. I can only imagine what it would have been like if he was older.
We were separated for a little over a month, but then he decided that he wanted to come back and I foolishly welcomed him back with open arms. A year and a half later when he came to me wanting a divorce again I knew that I couldn’t play games with our son’s head this time, once was enough. Now that he was older I knew going back and forth just wasn’t an option. If we were going to be done, it needed to be done this time.
Divorce is not something to be taken lightly. Don’t tell the kids until you are absolutely sure of the decision. If there is a chance that things can be worked out then you really shouldn’t be getting divorced in the first place. Going back and forth just teases your kids. Watching my son go through the devastation of the divorce once was enough, I can’t imagine watching him go through it a second time. It was the hardest decision of my life, but the finality of it gave all of us a chance to heal and move on with our lives.