When I saw a recent headline about so-called supermoms being at a higher risk for depression my first thought was “Who isn’t a supermom these days”? Whether you work outside of the home or not the pressure on moms is high. There seems to be an expectation that regardless of what is going on mom needs to keep the household running. That may not mean she has to do it all, but certainly she has to make sure it all gets done.
I don’t consider myself a supermom at all. Until recently I worked a full and part time job, and managed a household with 3 kids, but I have my mother helping me. She did the laundry while I was at work, and made dinner so that it was ready at a decent hour. My teenager likes to earn money and she does the weekly chores such as cleaning the bathrooms, and everyone pitches in with the dishes. The only time I really feel supermom-ish is when there are 2 doctor appointments and school events on the same day and I have to manage who gets where. But I always figure that is just my job as a mom – the results of my choices to have 3 kids, 2 jobs, 2 dogs, etc.
Yet, I do get depressed at times. Not in an overwhelming way, but that is because I work in the field and reach out for help when I need it. But that feeling of being overwhelmed, not being able to get it all done, wondering if it will ever get easier – doesn’t that hit most of us at one time or another?
So this study about supermoms and depression was interesting, but a little surprising to me. The women who struggled with depression most weren’t the supermoms, but those who thought being supermoms would be easy. It was all about expectations. Women who were reasonable in their expectations about being a mother, including balancing their work life, were less likely to be depressed than women who thought that doing it all would be easy.
Interestingly, the most depressed women were those who did not work outside of the home, but statistics show that most women do work outside the home so it seems there may be different reasons for stay-at-home moms to be more depressed than working moms. But regardless of whether or not they were working, their ability to met their own expectations was the driving force behind their depression. Something to think about when considering our options.