For every wonderful genealogy topic that there is, there is also another that is not at all wonderful. Whether we are discussing physical traits like who the baby looks like or what your cancer risk is based upon your family history or personality traits like how you seem to have inherited your mother’s knack for cooking or whether your child will suffer from depression like her grandmother, there are shadows that are cast by the branches of many family trees. Some of the shadows loom larger than others and today, I would like to take a look at something that not many of people like to talk about.
Domestic violence is something that no one wants to admit runs in their family. It is important that anyone who is a victim of the violence in their family understands that it is not their fault. It is also important that they understand that it is not their destiny either. Although there is a definite connection between family violence in an individual’s past and family violence in their present and future, the cycle can be broken. It is not easy, but it is possible to begin moving towards creating a family history where family violence is a thing of the past.
The types of behaviors that are considered domestic violence or abuse are diverse and include not only the obvious physical violence but also more subtle things like isolating victims from other people, creating economic restraints, emotional abuse, and other things like that. The problem is compounded by the fact that many victims go to great lengths to hide what is going on out of a fear that if the abuse is found out, the abuser will harm them even more.
Often, it is difficult for a person who is being abused to admit to themselves that it is happening. They may feel like they deserve the pain or may rationalize the other person’s behavior. Sometimes all it takes is a friend or family member asking a simple question or making a simple comment to help them to realize that what they are experiencing is not right. If you suspect that someone you know may be experiencing family violence or abuse, express your concern in a very general way by asking them whether something is wrong. Keep in mind that they may not respond to your inquiry, but if they do then the door is open for you to offer help. Domestic violence and abuse have been keeping some families from thriving for generations. If even just one family member is able to break free and begin the process of healing themselves, they can in turn rewrite their family history moving forward from a story of pain to a story of triumph.
Photo by click on morguefile.com.