If you watched ABC’s Good Morning America earlier today, then you probably wish that Halloween would be cancelled all together, especially if you are a parent.
The morning show did a bang up job trying to scare the daylights out of moms and dads with a segment about the many, many, many, many ways kids could die on October 31st.
Actually, I think piece was designed to increase safety and parental awareness regarding the dangers that lurk on All Hallows’ Eve, but all I walked away with was a dozen or so ways my kid could meet her maker on her way to score free candy.
Let’s see; if her Halloween costume, wig, or accessories don’t go up in flames when she comes within 20 feet of a candle and burn her alive, then she is likely to get hit by a car, because as the crack staff at Good Morning America points out, children are twice as likely to be struck by a moving vehicle on Halloween than any other night of the year.
Then, there’s the issue of consuming all that free candy. American kids are just a bunch of obese slackers and by allowing them to indulge in copious amounts of sugary treats, parents are contributing to their offspring’s ultimate demise. Of course, that will only happen if the little munchkins don’t get kidnapped first. After all, Halloween costumes are so dang provocative these days it is nearly impossible for pedophiles to control themselves. For pervert and kidnappers, Halloween is the ultimate holiday, so parents beware!
Finally, the folks at Good Morning America warn parents that kids could also kick the bucket on Halloween if some responsible adult doesn’t carefully inspect their sugary loot. Poisonous candy, razor blades in fresh fruit and heroin-laced treats–this is serious stuff, folks.
Or is it just an urban myth?
According to sources that help put the “poisoned Halloween candy” scare in perspective, America has only seen a handful of deaths linked to bad sweets. The most notable occurred in 1974 when an 8-year-old boy from Texas died after eating Pixy Stix tainted with cyanide. Only, the poisonous candy didn’t come from a stranger. According to police, the kid’s father planted the cyanide-laced Pixy Stix in his son’s trick-or-treat bag in order to collect life insurance money. The nutso dad, Ronald Clark O’Bryan, who also passed out poisoned candy to other children in an attempt to cover up the murder, was executed in 1984.
Happy Halloween!
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