If you are the parent of a teen, then you know how difficult communication can be at times. If it’s not a breakdown of communication, it is miscommunication. Either one can get you in trouble.
So how does a parent find a way to communicate with their teen when it feels like they are dealing with a clam? You know the type…they won’t open their mouth for anything. They feel uncomfortable being put on the spot and made to feel that they have to talk.
One way is to not make it so formal. Talking with your teen doesn’t have to become a chore. It can be done without you even letting on that it’s your ultimate goal. Just by spending time with your teen, you open up the opportunity.
The best place for me to talk to my 17-year-old son is in the car. But it only happens on those rare occasions when he doesn’t bring along his iPod. If I don’t see earplugs in his ears, that is a clue to me that he is in a position to talk.
With my 14-year-old daughter, it is when we go to our favorite restaurant, “Panera Bread.” It has been dubbed “our” restaurant in that we wouldn’t think of sharing that experience with anyone else. We have some of our best conversations over a bowl of soup (and of course, that hot delicious bread).
Sometimes you just have to be creative and look for the opportune moments in which you’re teen is more likely to talk. Think outside of the box.
A couple of weeks ago I was introduced to the idea of a communication notebook. It’s probably a good idea to not make a big deal out of it. In other words, don’t overemphasize to your teen that you are trying to get her or him to talk.
Instead, just offer it as a way to go back and forth, to ask questions, to share feelings and to be able to express thoughts and opinions without fear of repercussions. You start the notebook by writing the ground rules, that anything shared will stay between you and your teen, that your teen can feel free to say anything, and so forth.
The thing about a communication notebook is that you have to be willing to accept both the good and the bad. There may be times your teen writes something you don’t like or don’t want to hear. And other times there may be nothing but weather talk going back and forth. You may not even get much out of your teen but it’s worth trying.
This has become my new communication format with my 12-year-old son. While I don’t anticipate him to divulge deep dark secrets through it, he does know that through this tool he can share anything with me or ask me anything.
What creative ideas do you have for communicating with your teen?
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