This Christmas I got another reminder of how silly and immature people can be. This time I got to watch from the outside looking in. Both my little sister and I have protective orders from her father. It has been many years since either of us has had much contact with him. However, this summer when she got married, she did try to be the bigger person and invite him to her wedding, even though she didn’t really want him there. She’s tried to be the adult in things, but it is usually met by childish rantings about how he was ripped from her life.
This year, to mark their first Christmas as a couple, her father sent them a Christmas present. What could have been a very nice gesture, turned into something quite the opposite. Hidden within the present was a letter blaming her for not letting him be a part of their lives. He told her husband to please take care of her since he has been denied to opportunity to do so for so many years. Instead of helping the situation, it only made her angry that still after all these years he wouldn’t take the responsibility for the mistakes he had made.
We all make mistakes as parents, some bigger than others. Had he owned up to those mistakes in the beginning, they likely would still have a relationship today. Pinning the blame on the children or the ex is the last thing we should do. If you’ve made a mistake, if you’ve hurt your children in some way, ask for forgiveness rather than lashing out even further. You don’t want to lose your children because of choices that you have made. I am sad that my sister was never able to have a relationship with her father. But that was the choice that he made and continues to make to this day. What a sad reality for so many children.