Have you ever noticed how much advice there is for parents, and how much that advice increases when you are a single parent? It’s almost as if because you couldn’t make your marriage work you really can’t raise this child without all this helpful advice.
I don’t mind advice, really I don’t, I just wish people would remember that my child is not their child and what works for one doesn’t always work for another.
For the most part I’ve always felt like a good mother. When Hailey was an infant I had a pediatrician who was very old school, he even walked around the office in his socks and suggested vitamin C as a cure for everything, I loved him. One of the reasons I loved him was because he empowered me as Hailey’s mother.
When Hailey was an infant and I was freaked out about everything and everyone was giving conflicting advice Dr. Brenner told me that as her mother, I knew what was best for her. He told me that when a parent loves their child they are in tune with them and instinctively know what is best, no matter what anyone else says. He told me to trust my gut and that if I got it wrong, Hailey would let me know and it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
It’s amazing how much I was able to relax after that. No, I never made all the right decisions but I tried, and all the decisions I made were based on an intense love for my child.
When I got divorced and Hailey acted out, others were quick to tell me what I needed to do to get her in line before she really got out of control. My heart told me she was sad and scared and confused, so I went with that. This little girl had been the center of the universe for both her parents, now one was missing, my gut told me she needed me more than ever.
Instead of implementing punishments and making her toe the line, I just loved her. We snuggled, I slept in her bed when she was scared, I gave her my undivided attention when she needed it, I listened even when she wouldn’t talk.
It worked, Hailey is the best daughter I could ask for. I hope everyone, but particularly single moms have a pediatrician like Dr. Brenner, he made this mom thing much easier.