Someone told me long ago that having children would change my life, change who I was, take my life in new directions. I didn’t believe them, and then Hailey was born.
It’s amazing how quickly you grow into being a mom. I was 29 when Hailey was born so I was quite used to life as I knew it but once they laid that little girl in my arms I could no longer remember life as I knew it.
I love being a mother and it wasn’t difficult for me to make the changes necessary to devote myself to my child. I did it willingly, maybe because of my infertility struggles and how long I waited for her, it just didn’t seem to be a hardship to give up things for my girl.
I have always been a pretty involved mom, I was a brownie leader, I homeschooled Hailey for a while, I was active in every part of her life. When I became a single mother the involvement was even more intense, I was determined that every thing else in her life be perfect. It was a lot of work and I loved every minute of it.
Now we are entering a new time in Hailey’s life, a time of new beginnings and new experiences that will take her away from my home and my day to day involvement in her life.
I’m not liking this one bit. It was much easier to grow into being a full time, active, involved parent than it is to step away and let her fly.
I remember when Hailey was small and I wondered how people could let their children live on their own, go places by themselves, basically have a life without a hovering mother. I’m learning that most of them probably do it kicking and screaming because that’s how I feel right now.
I want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum. I’m not ready! Make it stop! I don’t want to! Just give me a little bit longer with my baby under my roof, protected by my presence, easing my mind that she is safe.
I’m afraid that’s not going to happen and as happy as I am that she is ready to take on the world a part of me wants my little girl back, just for a little while longer so I can get used to this.