Today, more and more, divorced parents are working really hard to co parent their children. Even if we don’t particularly like our ex we realize how important it is for our child to have both parents in their lives. So we co parent, and it really is the best thing for our children but it doesn’t just magically happen. You have to work at co parenting, with someone you couldn’t work at marriage with.
Initially it’s important to sit down and talk about your co parenting strategy. This may be hard, but it is necessary. Remember, this is about the kids not about what went wrong in your marriage so try to keep your hurt feelings out of it. Don’t have the same arguments you did when you were married.
Commit to having open communication. This will be hard at first but it’s important. You must communicate for the sake of your children. Try to decide on rules that are acceptable at both homes so there is some consistency. Talk about things like homework, bedtime, TV and video game time, chores. The more things you can work out the easier it will be for your children to move from house to house. If they know they have to clear the table after dinner no matter where they are, it won’t be a battle.
Agree on boundaries and discipline. When Hailey was much younger many of her friends were allowed to say things that weren’t necessarily swear words but I thought they were inappropriate, things like stupid, hate, retarded, butt head. It was important to me that her father and I were on the same page about respectful language. Remember to pick your battles, just like you do with your kids, if language is important to you and your ex agrees to enforce that then be willing to bend on something else if necessary.
Always remember this is never going to be easy. Support your ex’s decisions just like you want him to support yours. If you don’t agree with something, talk to him, away from the children and come to a mutual agreement. Don’t jump to conclusions. If the kids come home saying their dad went out and left them with a sitter and they played video games for hours and ate chocolate cake for breakfast, don’t angrily confront your ex. Ask him about it, you may find a reasonable explanation for it.