We’ve all heard how damaging the effects of divorce can be on children, but are they really any worse off than children who come from the traditional two parent families? Not necessarily. Studies have found that it’s not so much the divorce that is affecting children, it is how the divorce is handled. If you are in constant turmoil with your ex, of course it is going to have an effect on your children. On the other hand, a married couple experiencing the same turmoil, is likely to pass on the same adverse effects to their children. Divorce is hard on kids, no matter the situation, but just because you got divorced doesn’t mean that your child can’t still lead a happy and successful life.
The biggest thing you can do to help your child adjust to this new phase of life is to stay positive with them. Focus on the fact that both you and your ex love your child very much. Believe it or not there are some benefits to children who come from divorced families. They get two rooms, two birthdays, two Christmases, and lots of one-on-one time with both their parents. Try to keep the focus on the positive side rather than on the negative.
Never talk badly about your ex in front of your children. It’s no secret your ex probably isn’t your favorite person in the world, but regardless, he is your children’s father and they love him dearly. Do what you can to nurture that relationship. It will mean the world to your children.
Keep the lines of communication open with your children. They need a safe place to talk about their feelings regarding the divorce. If they are uncomfortable talking to you about it, make sure there is someone in their life that can fill in that role. Children need an outlet to talk about those feelings, don’t be offended if they don’t want to discuss it with you, they may be afraid to hurt your feelings because you are so closely involved. Sometimes they need someone on the outside to help them through it. Be there for your children as much as you can, but it’s ok if they don’t want to talk to you about it.
Do what you can to work together with your ex to make the adjustment as easy as possible for your children. It won’t be easy, but just because you are divorced doesn’t mean your child is going to fail. They are learning at an early age to overcome the trials placed before them. In the end, they will see just how strong they really are, and so will you.