There is a different dynamic that takes place when your children enter high school. It is the time in which you learn to accept that the apron strings must be cut. Oh sure, there is still some degree of parental influence and guidance but it begins to loosen up.
Then you arrive at that moment when your teen is “legally” an adult. It is a sobering reminder that they are at that stage in which decisions must be made on their own.
Again, it doesn’t mean there is no sense of direction from the parents, especially if the child is living at home. But it does mean recognizing that even more letting go must be done.
During these years there is a lot of preparation taking place. Not only for our teens in the sense of figuring out what they are going to do after high school but as parents. We are preparing them for independence. Or at least, we should be.
That job will be made much easier if we have taught them valuable skills along the way. Our teens should know how to earn money, save it, wash clothes, prepare basic meals and the list goes on.
The funny thing about all of this is that I really thought I would have a hard time when my oldest son turned 18. I tend to be one of those parents that likes to hold on as long as possible.
But one of the rewards I am finding in learning to let go is that I don’t feel as much pressure upon myself. I know that decisions my son makes will be on him. I don’t say that in the sense of not caring but in that strangely, I feel a weight being lifted.
Instead of this turning into a battle of “I’m an adult now, you can’t tell me what to do,” we are in this stage where I think we can both relax a little bit. He knows he is more responsible for his life and while he is embracing that, he also knows that I am still here for him.
I am able to trust in him enough that I believe he will make good decisions. But even if he doesn’t, I also trust that there will be valuable lessons learned through it.
I guess I liken this to a band-aid. Sometimes we try to rip it off with force, but it hurts. However when we slowly work its way off the skin, there is less pain.
Don’t try to hold on too tight, it will make the pulling away that much more painful.
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