My daughter has a friend that isn’t very nice to her. She is downright mean actually. She is the bully I wrote about a couple of weeks ago.
The bullying has continued and my patience is wearing thin. Of course, as a mother, I want to step in and save my daughter from any emotional or physical harm, but a part of me wants to teach her what to do with this situation.
I stayed up last night thinking about what to do. I could contact the teacher to inform her of my concern over the way this little bully is behaving. However, I decided to try something first – help my daughter develop strength.
She told me that her bully tells her often that if she doesn’t do something she won’t be her friend anymore and will be mean to her forever. My daughter is kind hearted and doesn’t want anyone to dislike her, so of course, she does whatever is asked of her. This includes giving away toys, whole packages of gum, etc.
I decided to have a discussion with her. I asked her if she understood that her friend was being mean to her and what she was doing was wrong. She agreed that she is mean to her and it is wrong. So, I was glad for that.
I went on to explain that it isn’t right for people to be mean to anyone. I want her to know that it’s not okay for people to be mean to her.
She understood this but then asked, “But what will I do?”
Then, I gave her some suggestions:
#1: Tell her that you don’t like it that she is mean to you and ask her to stop.
#2: If she doesn’t stop, tell her that you won’t play with her if she continues to be mean.
#3: If she chases you to play with her, tell her you will give her one more chance. If she continues to be mean, tell her that you will no longer play with her because she is being mean.
After giving her these suggestions, I asked her if she thinks she can do them. She said that she thought she could do it.
We talked about how this is a good time to learn that people shouldn’t take advantage of us and that we need to be strong and stand up for ourselves. She shook her head and I almost felt as though she reacted in a way that she just received power in that.
Today, after school, she told me that her bully wasn’t mean today. She said that she didn’t ask for anything and wasn’t really mean. She did say that she kept poking her while she was trying to listen to the teacher, so she turned around and told her bully, “If you don’t stop being mean, I am not going to be your friend anymore.”
I gave her a high-five. I told her I was proud of her and gave her a hug.
I could have had the teacher take care of it. I could have taken care of it myself. However, if others interject, she won’t ever learn how to do it herself. She may just be in kindergarten but she is learning skills she can use forever.
Image: Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net