This week I have come to the conclusion that I have the most stubborn child on the face of the planet. Ok, not really, but it certainly feels like it. We’ve had more than our fair share of power struggles this week. Unfortunately, he got stuck with an equally stubborn mother, so he can’t win, but that’s not going to stop him from trying. Does this sound familiar to you? There are times when having a strong-willed child may feel like a curse. They can definitely be a handful at times, especially when they are little, but they often grow into strong, independent, leaders as they get older. They are passionate about what they want and they aren’t afraid to do what it takes to get it. But how do you parent a child who is just as stubborn as his mother?
First things first, stop the power struggle before it starts! It takes two; you don’t have to fight with your child about everything. Instead try to come up with a win-win solution. Set clear limits with your children and be consistent. Children don’t like being told what to do, so try addressing things a little differently. Instead of saying, “Go get in your pajamas.” Try saying, “If you hurry and get in jammies then we’ll have time to read an extra story tonight!”
Strong-willed children like to feel in control. Give them as many choices as possible. “Do you want to drink out of the red cup or the blue cup tonight?” “Do you want to use a fork or a spoon for dinner?” By giving them choices about the little things, they are less likely to fight you on the big ones.
Let her take the consequences. You could sit and fight her to put her jacket on, or you could simply say, “Ok, if you don’t want to wear your jacket, that’s fine. I think it’s pretty cold outside, so I’m definitely going to wear mine, but it’s up to you.” The second she walks outside she’ll realize how cold it is, but until then why fight about it? Chances are she’ll change her mind and put the jacket on.
Try to see things from your child’s point of view. It’s hard to be a kid sometimes. Nobody likes being told what to do all the time, but it’s important to acknowledge those feelings and let them know that you know how they feel. “I know you feel really sad that we couldn’t get that toy today at the store. I could tell you really wanted it. Maybe we can save up your pennies so we can get it next time!”
Parenting is no easy task, especially when you are trying to navigate it by yourself. It can be hard to deal with a stubborn child with no one to back you up. Hang in there. I’d like to say it gets easier, but it doesn’t. Luckily, they’re pretty darn cute, or we might be in trouble!