We all have deal breakers in a relationship. We would never marry someone who has one of them, and they are different for all of us. There are a few big ones that are the same for just about everyone, abuse, substance abuse and infidelity.
The sad part is that while those deal breakers may not be present at the beginning of your marriage they may appear later.
It’s hard to walk away from your marriage, especially when there are children involved.
For me, Hailey was a deciding factor, both in staying as long as I did and finally, in leaving. I stayed because I wanted my daughter to grow up in an intact family. I believed that children do best when raised within a marriage. I was afraid of what would happen to us on our own. I had heard all the horror stories of children of divorce. I didn’t want those things to happen to my child.
Eventually staying became more detrimental than leaving. One morning I woke up and realized that aside from what my ex husbands behavior was doing to me, I had to look at what I was teaching my daughter.
People will say that you should always stay, it’s best for the kids. Is it really best? What about the example you are setting for your child? I certainly didn’t want Hailey to grow up thinking that the way her father treated me was how she should be treated by her future husband.
When I realized that trying to keep the peace was affecting the way I was parenting my daughter, and that many times I was using the same tactics my husband used to control me, I knew it was time.
It wasn’t an easy decision. Some people will say you always stay, no matter what, for the kids. Sometimes, you have to leave, for the very same reason. Your kids deserve better.