The past month has been a difficult one for me. I’m not exactly sure what triggered it, but I suddenly found myself completely unable to cope with my situation. Seemingly small things appeared as mountains in front of me. I fell into a deep depression. The thought of facing each new day became unbearable. I had incredible support around me. Family and friends were rushing to my aid, but it wasn’t enough to pull me out of this rut I was in. I finally decided to seek some advice from one of my church leaders in hopes of somehow being able to climb out of this bottomless pit I had found myself in.
Due to a recent reorganization of the leadership in our church I had never formally met this man before. I was hesitant to ask advice from a total stranger, but it seemed I had tried everything else, so I finally decided to meet with him anyway. This man knew little of my situation. All he knew was that I was a young single mother, who was struggling, but miraculously without even knowing anything that was going on he was able to identify exactly what was troubling me. He said, “Sarah, leave the past in the past. It does not define who you are as a person. Quit beating yourself up about it. It’s time to move on.”
I have always been too hard on myself. As a perfectionist, I have high expectations and no matter how well I am doing, it seems I always fall short of them, simply because perfection is unattainable. My past is far from perfect. I did not expect to find myself divorced. I did not expect to become a single mother at the ripe old age of 21. I did not expect to be living in my parent’s basement while I struggled to make my way through school, but these things do not define me. In the end, my past is simply that…my past. The important thing is that I am moving forward in the right direction and I’m never going back.