I’ve been rather irritated with the world lately. It feels like there is never any justice. Bad people get away with things they shouldn’t. They constantly take advantage of others and get away with it. I’ve felt that way a lot with my ex lately. He walks all over me, and frankly I let him because I am so afraid of contention. I convince myself that one of these days I am going to stand up to him and say “no,” but when it comes down to it I usually give in anyways. Being taken advantage of isn’t very fun. It’s natural to get angry over these types of things, but in the end the only one it hurts is you.
The other night my ex brought our son home an hour late. I had already graciously switched nights for him and I was pretty angry that he didn’t even have the courtesy to contact me until I text him 15 minutes after Logan was already supposed to be home. There wasn’t anything I could do about it. It was completely out of my control and I was just plain mad about it. As I rushed Logan inside to get him ready for bed I felt the tension building up inside of me. I realized that I was letting my ex-husband have too much control over me. He could care less if I was angry. Being angry didn’t change anything, it was only hurting me.
I was fighting an internal struggle that night. I didn’t like the way I was feeling, but I felt that if I wasn’t angry about it, then that just made it okay. I had to consciously decide that I was going to let the anger go, simply because I didn’t like the way it made me feel. That certainly didn’t mean that what my ex-husband did was okay; it wasn’t. But I had control over my emotions. I prayed for the strength it would take to let go of the anger that was bottling up inside, and began to let it go, because I didn’t want him to have that control over me anymore. There may not be any justice in this life, but maybe in the next.