I don’t usually get involved in politics, but recently Wisconsin representative, Don Pridemore, addressed something that I just cannot ignore. He firmly believes that divorce should not ever be an option, even if you are being abused. He claims that if you think about the reason you got married in the first place, essentially that should solve all of your marital problems. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am very pro-marriage. Divorce is never something to take lightly, it certainly isn’t for everyone, but for many of us, it was the right thing.
People have their agency. They make choices that affect the people around them; some of those choices cannot be recovered from. I often say that there are only three reasons to ever get divorced. In previous blogs, I have referred to them as the “three A’s.”
You should never put up with abuse to you or your children; that Don Pridemore even suggests this is absurd. You have to protect yourself and your children. Women in these situations already have such a difficult time getting out, why add to their guilt and make it even more difficult? As a child I watched my mother suffer through an abusive marriage, I hate to think of what may have happened had she not had the option to get out.
While adultery can be recovered from in some cases, there are many that it can’t. Again, you have to protect yourself. The affects of this can be life-threatening. If you have found that your spouse has been unfaithful, it is important to get yourself tested, it is better to catch things early so that you can get treatment. This can be an incredibly difficult thing to face for many women, but it is better to be safe than sorry. You cannot have a successful marriage where there is no foundation of trust. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal and if it continues, you should absolutely have the option to leave.
Your spouse may not have had an addiction when you got married, but again, you do not have control over their choices. If they have developed an addiction it can destroy a family. While I believe addiction can be recovered from, the person must have a desire to do so, if that desire is not there, it again is grounds for divorce. You can’t put your family at risk. You have to take care of them. They are the most important thing. If that means getting out, then you should certainly have that option.
Divorce is difficult. It has lasting effects on not only you, but your children as well, but there are times when it is necessary. To say otherwise is simply ignorant and incredibly insensitive. Nobody gets married expecting it to end in divorce, if we did, we likely wouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. Divorce isn’t ideal, but sometimes, you don’t have a choice. You and your children deserve happiness. You should never be forced to stay in a broken marriage.