There are power struggles, temper tantrums, and then there are those incredible emotional outbursts that our young children have. I actually think of them as explosions. It has been my experience that they happen with toddler and preschoolers and then return with full force during the adolescent years. How can a parent help to temper those emotional explosions and can anything be done to help a child find other ways to express himself?
These grand emotional explosions can be scary and they seem decidedly different from a power struggle or a manipulative tantrum. I always found that it seemed as though my children were genuinely emotional distraught with an emotional outburst or explosion. Other times, it might seem like they were frustrated or trying to get their way but with the emotional explosions, they seemed genuinely hurt, suffering, overwhelmed or some other intense emotion. Helping the child learn how to communicate and tolerate those emotions can be an important part of parenting.
If your child is young, help him or her to put words to the emotions: “I see from your actions that you are feeling very frustrated (or hurt, scared, whatever.)” You may expect that the child will deny those emotions but it will get him or her started thinking that there are words for what he or she is feeling. Additionally, share with your child safe and acceptable ways to let off steam. If your child is truly a danger to himself or others when he is in the throes of an emotional eruption, you may need to hold him so that he does not get hurt or hurt someone else.
It does not help to minimize or scoff when a child is having an emotional outburst, but it also does not help for the parent to get all wrapped up and enmeshed. Indulging an emotional explosion may send a message that it is a reasonable way for a person to express oneself. Instead, you can let the child know the he or she needs to get calm before you will talk through the situation.