Parenting as a couple, as partners, is important. It is not only important to show kids a united front, but also to protect our marriages. If one spouse begins to feel underappreciated or undermined, this will create family discord as well as a strained marital relationship.
If we’re going to be partners, that means we have to have equal footing when it comes to parenting our children as well. If you are strict and your spouse is lenient, or vice versa, you are going to end up butting heads. It is important to discuss parenting issues together, out of earshot of your kids, to create a healthy balance. Perhaps both husband and wife, dad and mom, need to bend a little to strike that balance.
On the other hand, too much deference can also be a problem. If one spouse frequently says, “Ask your mom” (or dad), instead of making a decision, it leaves one spouse with most of the responsibility. This can also lead to resentment, especially if one spouse is frequently made to feel like “the bad guy.” Nobody wants to play this role. We have to take turns saying yes and saying no to our kids, or better yet, answer them together after discussing the issue in private.
Respect is a very important aspect of marriage, one that can be defined in large part by how we parent together. If one spouse belittles the other, or even downplays the other’s point of view, it can lead to a lack of respect from children. If mom doesn’t think dad’s opinion is important, why should the kids? If dad thinks mom is too strict, why would the kids think any differently? These attitudes can cause serious damage to a marriage, and should be avoided at all costs.
Our children are of course important, and parenting is one of the most important jobs we will ever undertake. At the same time, being committed to our spouses and our marriages is also important. Finding a happy medium can be a huge obstacle for many couples, but if they can find ways to strike a good balance, their strong marriages and improved relationships with their children make it absolutely worth the effort.