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When I first seriously thought about writing for the Marriage blog, a topic that essentially breaks down into being about love and relationships, my initial reaction was “Eugh!” So then what am I doing here?
Upon deeper examination, I realized that my reaction was not to writing about marriage and love itself, but to the forms in which that usually occurs. I don’t really go for lovey-dovey type stuff, and in many ways my husband and I have a somewhat nontraditional, or at least a different, relationship (though in many other ways we’re very traditional). I’m so passionate on this topic of our different way of doing things, however, that I take every opportunity to talk about it (including via our wedding invitations, a story for a later day), so I realized that this gig would be perfect.
I’m not here to knock other ways of doing it. Just as there can be multiple legitimate and healthy ways to do everything from baking a pie to raising a child, one can approach marriage and romantic relationships from more than one point of view as well. Some central tenants must remain the same, such as mutual love, respect, and trust, but as long as both partners are being fulfilled, then the details can differ.
My alternative viewpoint on relationships isn’t represented much in the media. Women are often portrayed as needing vastly different things from men, as romance always equaling flowers and candles, and for many, the wedding itself (not the marriage, I’m quick to assert) being one of the highest points of the relationship.
Those things just aren’t true for my husband and me. They may be for other people, and as long as everyone in those marriages is happy, I am happy for them. But just as I’m a geeky girl who mourns that female geeks aren’t really portrayed in media or addressed much in general discourse, I feel that those with my views on romance don’t get much attention either.
My blog is for others like me. I’m excited to be here with the other families.com marriage bloggers; between all of us we’re covering differed and important aspects of marriage. Diverse points of view contribute to the institution (just as they do for all of life, really), so it’s ideal that many of us are represented.
I realize I’m building myself up a bit here, implying that I have some radical view of what it means to be married. I don’t, really; my husband and I were together for five years before we got married, we’ve been together since then for three, we don’t go out much, we don’t party, or anything like that.
We just have a different view on what we think is romantic, and that contributes a lot to our relationship. We don’t pay much attention to our anniversary, for example; usually we just use it as an excuse to spend a little more at a restaurant than we might usually do. We don’t exchange anniversary gifts. I didn’t want an engagement ring; I don’t wear jewelry so I didn’t see the point, and I find diamond commercials infuriating (more on that in a later blog).
My husband, Jon, knows that the way to my heart is through a book or video game, not through flowers or candy (and I know that candy and computers are the way to his). I don’t expect him to woo me, at least not any more than he should expect me to woo him. I want the same things as him: commitment, trust, respect, and love, and everything else just doesn’t seem important.
Related Articles:
Do You Have the Makings of a Good Wife?
Being a Healthy Example to Young People
*(This image by jin.thai is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.)
