A curious thing has happened to my son. He has always been polite and basically well mannered. He remembers to say, “Please” and “Thank you.” But since our return to New Orleans, he has become quite the little gentleman.
For starters, each day when I pick him up from school, the first thing he asks me is, “How was your day, mama?” then he actually listens to what I have to say! After I finish, he proceeds to tell me about his day as a first-grader. We’ve always talked but now we’re communicating.
I have always felt that Tyler didn’t need a full-time father in the house to teach him how to me a male. After all, there are countless single women raising sons alone and doing a bang up job. But I’m not raising Tyler alone. His father has always been an active part of his life, although our relationship ended. We have joint custody, in fact. Being separated for two years because of Katrina I was thrown into the role of being both mom and dad. Although we both traveled back and forth, it’s not the same as living in the same city.
Since we returned to New Orleans, I have realized just how important a father or male figure is to the development of a young boy. One of the first things Tyler’s father did was sit down with him and talk to him about how he should open doors for me (and women in general) and how he should help me out. I have seen such an improvement in such a short period of time. He still has all of that high energy he always had but he’s a gentleman to boot.
I unlock my car door, but he opens and closes it for me. He opens the trunk, if necessary, and helps load and unload. He encourages me to enter the elevator first, and then he pushes the button. He opens the door to our hotel room. In essence, helpful is now his middle name (okay it’s really Vincent!).
I still feel that I can raise him alone but since he has a father who is willing to teach him how to become a man, why should I stop him. Sometimes we get pig-headed when relationships end and want to get back at the offending party but we’re really hurting our kids when we do so. I had the, “I don’t need you” attitude toward Tyler’s father when our relationship ended. Well, maybe I don’t need him but my son does.
Ladies, there are simply some things we can’t teach our sons. However, always remember there are just as many things that we can.
See also:
Are Boys and Girls Different?, Part Two