My son is a sensitive, intelligent, articulate, compassionate person—at least that is how I remember my son. He has always been the youngest in a houseful of females, but he has a great (and frequent) relationship with his dad, grandfathers and an uncle. There has been no shortage of active men in his life to take him to football games, coach his soccer teams, and generally provide some balance for all of the estrogen and hair doodles in his world. With all of that explanation, I also have to admit that my son is fourteen years old, and is currently entrenched in what I secretly call his “macho phase.” While I “get it”—I’m not completely thrilled with these various versions of “manly” he seems to be trying out on those of us girls who look at him as if he’s grown three heads…
I’m an educated woman, an experienced parent and I know my child development. I know that he’s supposed to be preparing to move out into the world and take on his position of “man.” But, I’ll tell you what—I’m on my knees nightly praying that this swaggering, obnoxious, incredibly un-sweet teenage caricature of all things I remember finding annoying about guys from my teenage days falls away and a sensitive, strong, sweet, considerate man will evolve from the tattered teenage cocoon. I’m praying, praying, praying—with all the intensity of any aging new-age feminist!
My silent prayers actually gave way to “This is so not okay!” the other day when my son actually called me, “Woman”—as in “Did you really get bread with nuts in it, woman?” Okay, are you with me on this one? My easy-going, sense-of-humor ridden disposition went into hiding as my jaw locked and the graying hair on my temples stood on end. I am guessing that unless he gets to feeling really fortuitous and blessed by the gods—he won’t be using that “nickname” for his mother again any time soon.
An older male friend of mine told me that my son probably has to push even harder to define his maleness in a family of really strong women. We three don’t let him get away with much (okay, nothing) in terms of sexist stereotypes, generalizations, or not having his turn to do the dishes. I’ve been promised in the long run he will be the better for his exposure, intimacy and understanding of the feminine perspective. Just a few years ago, I would have told you he was growing into the most fabulous of perfect men. But, for the time being, I am living with a throw-back, a character from a macho black and white pre-mid-century movie, I am ready for John Wayne to stop channeling and give me back my son.