I love being a mother. There is nothing I’d rather do than parent my daughter. I feel that she is truly a gift. I wouldn’t have chosen to be a single parent but that’s the way it happened.
I try to be positive, I want my daughter to always look on the bright side. Yes, sometimes life is hard, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it defeat you. I am always the first to say, keep your chin up, do it for your kids.
Sometimes, I forget to take my own advice. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I’m left with the orthodontist bills, and the parent teacher conferences and taking days off work to deal with a sick child while her father gets to live his life as if nothing else matters.
A child support check doesn’t cover everything. Just once I would like to not have to worry about things.
Yes, occasionally I feel sorry for myself. For the longest time I wouldn’t allow myself to give in to those feelings. I would push my resentment to the side and keep doing what I had to do while pretending everything was wonderful.
Then it would all come crashing down on me. I’ve learned the importance of a good cry. It’s not healthy to hold everything in. I’m not suggesting you sit around and cry all day but sometimes, you just need to cry.
When I was first divorced and I would start feeling overwhelmed I would remind myself that I couldn’t let Hailey see me cry. I didn’t want to scare her so I would try to schedule my crying time. That wasn’t really very effective, I would usually wind up laughing at myself, which is healthy in it’s own way, but not the same.
Now, if I need to cry, I just cry. An early bath and a good cry can make everything better. It doesn’t solve my problems but it relieves enough stress that tomorrow is not so bad.
We can’t be strong all the time. As hard as we single moms try, we can’t do it all, all the time. Sometimes, we just have to cry.