As you might have surmised by now, I’m keen on dreams. (For examples, see “The Dream: How I Knew Wayne Was the One” and “Do You Ever Dream About Your Spouse’s Family?”.)
Here I go again…
The Recurring Nightmare
It’s never the same dream twice, but the theme is always the same: Wayne leaves me.
I hate these dreams. (Nightmares.) It’s not like he just up and leaves and says, “Thanks, it’s been fun, but I’m done with us.”
Oh no. In my dreams he’s usually mean about it. There’s usually another woman and right in front of my face he decides he’d rather spend time with her. Then, when I confront him about what the heck he thinks he’s doing, he blames it all on me. (He’ll say it was something I did that drove him to the other woman. Or that he’s sick of me doing something and since the other woman doesn’t do it he prefers her company.)
Speaking of the Other Woman…
Like the dream itself, she’s not always the same either. Sometimes she’s a total stranger, nothing more than a figment of my imagination. Worse, in the dream she’s even a stranger, someone both Wayne and I have just met, they hit it off, and next thing I know he’s attached to her.
But sometimes it’s someone we know. Usually someone Wayne works with.
Why Me?
I still haven’t figured out what sets off these dreams. At one point it seemed I had one as frequently as once or twice a month. Sometimes I can go as many as six months without one, but I’m just about guaranteed to have one at least once a year.
I hate having them because of the way I feel when I wake up. I get so mad. (So mad, in fact, on more than one occasion I’ve woken from a dream to roll over and punch Wayne’s arm because I’m so mad at how he acted.)
He has no idea what he did. And, yes, I know he’s not responsible for the bad behavior he exhibits in my dreams, but I wake up livid with him nonetheless. (That’s why Wayne also hates when I have these dreams.)
I also hate having them because he never dreams like this. So why do I? Because I’m more insecure and would miss him more if he left? Sometimes I think it’s just another manifestation of me loving him more than he loves me.
Except…
He did end up having one of these dreams recently. When we went to Alaska.
He’d had a dream I was holding hands with someone we know from volleyball. Apparently I was not only sitting with the guy at the place where we play sand volleyball, but Wayne walked in right as I leaned over to kiss this other guy.
When he woke up he was furious with me. (Now he knows how it feels!) Maybe I should have felt bad, or even awkward, that he’d had such a dream. That’s how he claims he feels when I tell him about mine. But I didn’t. I was thrilled.
He would miss me if I was gone. The proof was in that dream! And you know what? That’s kind of nice to know.
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