During the period when we tried to assess Regina’s potential disabilities and decide if we could parent her, we wondered what effect raising a special needs child would have on our family life. Would we have to totally change our lifestyle to accommodate a rigid schedule of appointments and daily care?
The image I persistently recall from this time in my life is the biblical parable of the Pearl of Great Price, the pearl of such surpassing value that the merchant was willing to sell all that he had to obtain this pearl. Could I give up my image of perfection and take a chance?
I do not know if we could have proceeded with the adoption if the initial dire prognosis had been accurate. Even now, I do not know exactly what will happen in the future. But Regina, now four, is a bright, empathetic and socially aware child. She does clearly understand cause and effect.
She has had some issues. I brought her to an assessment at the Early Intervention center because of delayed motor skills. I was surprised when she also qualified for cognitive and speech therapy. However by age three, she had progressed to where she no longer qualified for assistance. I then had a private speech therapist work with her; we are about to discontinue that. She can read and write some letters and numbers and has terrific motor skills. (“Why in the world did we let them give her therapy to increase her motor skills?” my husband recently moaned as he retrieved her from the height she had climbed to. )
She does have some hyperactivity and focusing challenges. She does have more tantrums than the other kids did. And sure, they scare me, since impulsivity and out-of-control tantrums can be signs of alcohol-related problems. But they also can be signs of being a four-year-old with an intense personality. She is at least as intensely loving and appreciative as she is emotional.
As for learning problems, kids born weighing less than five pounds are at slightly higher risk, alcohol-exposed or not. We have learning disabilities in the family anyway—I figure the girls’ odds are still better than my biological son’s. Maybe she would have had Einstein’s IQ if prenatal conditions were more favorable—but she’s pretty darned smart as it is.
Maybe these are the golden years, and she will have severe challenges ahead. But I no longer doubt that we can do whatever is necessary to support her in being the best she can be. The joy of parenting her thus far more than makes up for any sacrifices, past or future.
She is our Pearl of Great Price.
Later we would realize that her Korean name means “Bright Pearl”. Even someone like me has to think it’s more than coincidence.
Please see these related blogs:
Introducing My Family
Alcohol-Related Neurodevelopmental Disorder
Early Intervention: Give Your Child a Head Start!