The other day Mick and I had a serious conversation about affairs. No, neither of us is planning on having one. We were talking about Mary Ann’s recent article as to the primary cause of affairs.
The conversation started when I’d asked Mick what he thought it might be. He said ‘greed. They’re not happy with what they’ve got and want something more.’ The other things he mentioned were ‘opportunity and dissatisfaction.’
If people were getting what they needed at home they wouldn’t feel the need to stray and look for something else. It’s when they’re not getting what they need at home – e.g. when they don’t feel appreciated or loved or made to feel special that problems start. Maybe it’s this sort of thing that led to the classic line ‘my wife (or husband) doesn’t understand me.’
Recently one lady on the forum found her husband had been chatting with another woman. Why? Because he wasn’t getting the love and attention he needed from his wife. It’s hardly surprising then he’d look for it elsewhere.
As we talked Mick suggested one reason perhaps where affairee’s (That’s Mick’s word for the one having the affair) have the advantage is that it is part time. This means because they only meet occasionally and do not see each other all the time, so they may only see the good side of the person. It’s easy to show the good side for a short time.
Often the one in the affair may get the good bits and the bad side and the bad qualities are taken home. In marriage you have to take the good and the bad, you see the good and bad side of your spouse. So the wife or husband at home is at a bit of a disadvantage.
The other reason is that it’s easy to pretend. For a time at least the affairee can choose to be someone lese. It’s like playing make believe. It’s a chance to be someone else. But the spouse at home knows them too well. What do you think about this?
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