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You need more than just him in your life, Ariel
Today I’m going to add a tongue-in-cheek coda to my otherwise serious series on the Disney Princesses. If most of these princesses should have had something other in their lives than their men, what should those things be?
I’m going to posit alternate endings to most of the films; mainly, recommendations for the careers into which the Disney Princesses ought to have embarked instead. Some suggestions might be a bit sillier than others.
“Snow White” – One thing Snow White did excellently was to get those dwarves to come out of their shells. They’d lived defined by one predominate character trait, and that’s just unhealthy. I see Snow White entering the psychology field, helping to counsel first her dwarves, and then anyone else who needs it, to learn to embrace all aspects of their personalities and become more well-rounded people. She might just learn a thing or two about herself in the process.
“Cinderella” – Unlike Snow White, Cinderella doesn’t put on as many noble airs. She actually could enter the house-cleaning industry full-time. She should start the kingdom’s first maid service. If she can organize mice and birds to help with her work, directing human employees (male and female) should be a snap. Then she’d be the President/CEO of the kingdom’s fastest-growing new company.
“Sleeping Beauty” – Aurora has a promising career in sleep therapy. I’m one of many who struggle with being a light sleeper, so to help beleaguered others like me she could study the scientific aspect of sleep and share her findings with the world. She can also make additional money teaching woodland dancing classes on the side.
“The Little Mermaid” – Ariel should become an advocate for human/merpeople relations. She can serve as the ambassador for the merpeople to Eric’s kingdom, and in her spare time teach classes on human culture at the local underwater community college.
“Beauty and the Beast” – Belle would definitely start France’s first public library. She’d open up all of those books in Beast’s castle to the public, cataloguing (aka reading) them all in the process.
“Aladdin” – Both of the leads in “Aladdin” are in need of more viable careers. I know this might seem contrary to my central “why are they all princesses?” thesis, but I think Jasmine needs to stick with her crown. It was clear Jafar was running things in the kingdom, and though he was evil he was at least competent, something the Sultan definitely is not.
Jasmine needs to take over for her father and run the kingdom. She can introduce radical new laws for women’s equality while she’s at it. Aladdin can also get into politics, working with Jasmine to introduce additional measures to aid the nation’s poor, especially orphans.
“Pocahontas” and “Mulan” – Both of them actually did the right thing. In the sequels they respectively serve as an ambassador to England and as an elite special ops member of the emperor’s military. Good work, you two.
“Enchanted” – Giselle should explore the new (modern) world. Then she needs to return to Andalasia and overthrow the monarchy (Edward’s loveable but he’s dumb). She’ll introduce democracy but shirk a position of executive power. Because she’s good at settling disputes, like with how she helped a divorcing couple to reconcile, she should head up Andalasia’s new judicial branch of government.
“The Princess and the Frog” and “Tangled” – Like with “Pocahontas” and “Mulan,” these movies already gave their leads practical careers. I see Tiana’s restaurant becoming a beloved landmark in New Orleans, and Rapunzel, like with Jasmine and Aladdin, doing much-needed work to help the orphans in her kingdom.
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*(This image by Raymond Brown is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License.)
