This holiday season, I realized that one important communication skill is essential to surviving many a holiday gathering. Those of you that read this blog regularly know that I love words, so I am excited to inform you that this magical skill has a name – tact. Tact is
a word that refers both skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations or a knack for knowing what to say or do in order to avoid offending others. In a time where people often pride themselves on being “uncensored”, letting their opinions be known, or saying what is on their mind no matter what, tact has become somewhat of a lost art for many people.
If you have just gotten through a day or a few days of spending time with family, you may have encountered some tense moments or even some downright nasty arguments or situations. Some of these incidents that loom large and threaten to overwhelm the more precious moments of family holiday gatherings (like the cute things that kids do and say as they open their gifts) can be prevented by using a little tact.
Anyone can open their mouth and just let whatever runs through their mind come out. The unfortunate consequence of this is that the words may hurt or offend others. Sometimes the speaker is upset and does not care whether he or she hurts or offends others, but other times the speaker wishes they could shovel those words back in and get a “do over” so that they would not cause the harm that they just did. Simply pausing before you speak gives you a chance to check whether the words that you are about to say are likely to do any damage.
Being tactful does not mean being fake or phony, either. Each person has an opinion and there are often many valid points to be made during a discussion. Being tactful does not mean stifling your opinion, it means that you express that opinion in a way that respects the opinions of others. By using empathetic words like “I can see how you might feel that way”, or “That is interesting that you think of it that way, the way that I see it …” let others know that you have listened to and heard what they have said even though you do not agree with it.
Other tactful tactics include correcting gossip, defending others who are not present when negative comments are made about them, and biting your tongue when need be. If you are frustrated by a situation and no one is about to get hurt, you can talk about your frustration in private with your spouse or a friend at a later time without causing a stir. Perhaps such a conversation will enable you to come up with a solution to whatever was frustrating you. At the very least, you will be able to express your feelings to someone whom you trust without others jumping down your throat. Using tact to get through family gatherings can help you to enjoy them more, and remember only the best stories to add to your family history collection.
Photo by clarita on morguefile.com.