When I set out on the road to parenthood, I saw myself as the idyllic mother who would have intense, benevolent influence on her children. They would absorb my ideas and values and I would send them out into the world as all the things I wasn’t. Well, reality is a little bit different. Even in those early infant stages, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was not the only influence on my children…
At first, I fought a lot of those outside influences. At least, I saw them as “outside” influences, even though my children really did need to live in the world. There were grandparents and their father; as well as babysitters, friends, teachers, coaches, etc. Over the years, my kids have been both positively and negatively influenced by people and situations I could have never predicted. Part of the reality of adjusting to parenthood, is coming to terms with all the different influences that actually shape and guide our children. It seems to come as a rude awakening, and then we have to learn to walk the balance of when to assert our influence, and when to allow other influences to seep in from other sources.
This does not mean that I don’t fight and combat the ones that need to be repelled. Of course, I’m not going to blindly accept outside influences that are dangerous and unhealthy for my kids–but I’ve had to let go of some of the other things. Somewhere along the line, they do formulate evolving opinions about politics, religion, popular culture, work, etc.–all by taking in different influences from various places. Alas, they are not the perfect little representations of my value system and ideas that I had originally intended–but like all parents before and after me, I’m learning to cope and accept that I have not had nearly as much control as I thought I would!
Also: Guarding Your Children Against Negative Media Influences
What Influences Your Parenting Style?