I’m tired of being the only adult parent my daughter has, her father is chronologically an adult but still acts like a teenager.
When I got divorced I promised myself that I would never bash Hailey’s father, I would never make her feel like she had to choose sides or feel guilty for her loyalty. I had hoped that her father would do the same.
For the last ten years my ex husband has said mean and hurtful things, about me, to our daughter. Many times Hailey would come home from a visit upset and it would take a day or two before she would tell me what was wrong. Usually it was something her father said about me.
The worst part is that the things he said were untrue. Hailey knew they were untrue but she didn’t think her father would lie so it made her doubt me. Some of the things were easy, like when he told her that I had cheated on him with the guy I was dating, this was a year after the divorce. I reminded Hailey of when we met my current boyfriend and she was able to see how silly the accusation was. I told her that sometimes when people are hurt they will stretch the truth because if you can place all of the blame at someone else’s feet then you don’t have to feel so bad.
I always told her it takes two people to make a marriage work and two people to allow it to fall apart. Her father and I both played our parts in the demise of our marriage. I tried not to point the finger.
I told my ex husband that the things he said did not hurt me, I didn’t care what he thought of me, but they hurt Hailey, still he continued. I thought if I just waited him out it would stop.
Well, now he just says mean and hurtful things about me to Hailey and about Hailey to everyone else. I don’t know how to make excuses for him anymore. When he was just talking about me it was easy to say he was mad because of the divorce and just lashing out, but what excuse do I give now that it’s Hailey he is lashing out at?
I don’t know how to fix this. I can’t change who he is and I’m really disappointed that he is turning on our daughter. The funny thing is when he’s around her he acts like a loving father, it’s just around other people. I don’t know how to make this hurt Hailey any less, and I don’t know how to get him to see what he is doing.
I really should have chosen a grown up for Hailey’s father.