Though there are stories of children who leave their adoptive family to reunite with birth family, it’s important for people to know these cases truly are on the rare end and often result from negative experiences in their adoptive homes. I’d like to take a moment to share some things I’ve observed in the last several years with adoptive mothers especially, who have reacted as a result of their own fears in regard to adoption. It grieves me to no end when I hear of adoptive parents withholding necessary information from their child, or sheltering them due to their own insecurities over the adoption.
Some moms have chosen to “forget” their children were adopted and move on as if their son or daughter entered their family by birth. Though I’m sure in most cases the motives behind this include wanting to provide their child with a “normal” life, it is usually based on insecurities; whether they be due to their own infertility, or are afraid their child might feel different with any reminder of their adoption.
I’ve heard of moms having real fears about their children leaving them one day to reunite with birth family. I imagine if told more recently I’d been adopted, aside from feeling I’d been lied to, I’d have some curiosity about what my birth parents were like. But it’s my mom and dad who are my parents; they’re the ones that have raised me. When people are raised with such a big stink made about blood relationship, I imagine they will likely assume their children could have the same attitude. Currently my oldest is only five. He knows I’m his mommy, he’s heard the age appropriate version of how we became a family, and I’ve never known him to think less of me being his mom because our genetics are different.
Most adoptive parents wait and wait, longing for their child. They watch other families have babies or get placements and wonder when their turn will be. After making their lives an open book for the purpose of a detailed home study, the thought of having to share that precious “mom” title with someone else can be unbearable for some to imagine. Children aren’t possessions though. Whether a mother gives birth or adopts, the child is hers to raise, love and launch into the world. How a child enters a home should not determine whether or not they deserve to know their genetic roots. Of course there has to be conditions to this like with anything else: information availability, the presentation of information in consideration to the child’s age, and safety.
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog