A note came home in the mail from my stepdaughter’s school, announcing parent-teacher conferences for mid-terms. They would be held on a Tuesday and Wednesday night in the gym, on a first-come, first-served basis. “You don’t really need to go,” insisted my thirteen-year-old Sunni. “It’s not mandatory.”
This made me curious. Sunni didn’t want us to go. It was a red flag signaling trouble. “That’s alright,” I said. “Your father and I would like to go.” I saw her face turn noticeably pale.
Facing My Fears
I had been worried about Sunni attending middle school. In elementary school she had struggled with her symptoms of ADHD, mainly with daydreaming, forgetting assignments, turning in work with strange doodles and half the work missing, and other problems. Sending her off to middle school meant that she would be held even more personally accountable for her own habits. And without a classroom “home base,” I wondered who would be watching over her. It felt a bit like sending her into a thick, dark forest, and hoping she’d find her way out at the other side.
I had tried to arm her for the journey in as many ways as I could. Previously I discussed the situation with the seventh grade counselor, and enrolled her in a class called “Learning Strategies” which was supposed to teach things like how to study for tests, how to take good notes, how to keep work organized, how to use a planner, etc. Sunni hadn’t wanted to take the class—she said it sounded “boring,” but I had insisted. Clearly it wasn’t enough.
The Truth Hurts
One by one, we sat across from Sunni’s teachers. Each time her face was ashen, and her eyes got glassy. It was time to face the music. Or maybe the guillotine.
“Sunni is getting an F in science,” her teacher stated, turning her assignment log toward us. “She’s missing four assignments, and her test scores are…well…look.”
With nearly every teacher except homeroom and physical education, it was a similar story. “Sunni is getting a D-. She’s missing five assignments.” “Sunni is getting an F. She’s missing six assignments.”
Her father and I felt awful. And I’m sure Sunni felt worse. Prior to these revelations I had been making sure she sat down each evening and worked on homework. And she would show me finished worksheets and exclaim that her homework was complete. Several nights she’d stated that she’d already finished her work during homeroom. I had been suspicious on those occasions, but she had insisted, even producing some work to show me. Once again, I’d been taken. My worst fears for Sunni—that she would drown in the ocean of middle school—were being realized.
Another Wake Up Call
Didn’t I sing this tune before? Why had I allowed myself to relax so much? I don’t know how many times as a parent I have to learn that I cannot trust the words, “I don’t have homework.” I’ve decided that there is no such condition. There is always homework, and there’s always something to study. More than that, I’m recognizing that I’ve got to take an even stronger role in guiding this child, who does not intend to fail out of school but is literally lost in her disorganized thoughts. As parents, we’ve got to be vigilant. Even seeing completed work isn’t enough. I’ve got to know what’s due, when it’s due, and whether my daughter has met all the requirements. This is not only Sunni’s wake up call, but once again, it’s mine. As frustrated as I am with Sunni, I’m also frustrated with myself.
Time For Changes
The good news is…these were mid-terms. Half the term is still before us. And most teachers are willing to bend the rules a bit, take late assignments, and provide extra credit. Like that familiar song of the sixties says, “Well the times, they are a-changin.’” We are throwing Sunni a rope and pulling her out of this mess. That’s what parents are for. Thank goodness we hadn’t accepted her gentle requests to bypass the conferences all together. This is the purpose of parent-teacher conferences, after all–to get an idea of what in the world is going on with your child at school.
In my next blog, I’m going to discuss ways that parents can keep better tabs on their children’s homework. It’s a blog for me as much as anyone else.
Sigh. I’ll be sure to read it.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.
Related Articles:
How to: Parent Teacher Relationships Part One
Education A-Z K for Keep Parents Involved
Home and Family: Homework Help