Ed Paul’s recent Blog On Having a Calling made me smile. Our adoption stories are as much the same as they are different. We both raised biological children but found a good reason to become adoptive parents. He was able to retire and share his calling with his co-workers but, I had a very different experience.
In my last position in a large Insurance Brokerage I knew I had been hired in part because, my biological children were old enough to drive me to work! It was very clear during the interviewing process that I was well liked, however there were some very obvious questions about my parenting status. Being a woman and having a career can be difficult and sadly many employers aren’t very interested in getting that phone call when an employees child is sick.
I knew when I was hired it was because I had some sort of edge. My kids were old enough that I wouldn’t need every other Monday off, or complain about the cost of childcare. I knew without a word being spoken I was considered a great choice–and there wouldn’t be any maternity costs added to the Group Health insurance bills. I knew they thought they had made a very smart decision to hire me. After all, I wasn’t likely to take the 12-weeks of unpaid leave guarenteed by the federal government. I was just a good old boy as far as they were concerned.
I probably should have told them. If I had been completely honest, I would have. But, I knew it was very early and that the process of adoption takes a long time. I wanted the job, would give my very best and they would get their investment out of me. I also knew that by the time we were at the stage of matching I could give enough notice to be helpful in training my replacement. So, I kept my mouth shut about our plan to adopt.
I did feel a bit dishonest. But, find it rather disturbing that my husband was getting the red-carpet treatment with his employers. Offered, the Adoption Assistance employer subsidized support, time off for training and big parties in the lunch room with all the other adoptive father’s. I knew that his employer was thrilled to death with his decision to become an adoptive parent.
I stayed with the big Insurance Brokerage until our home study was completed and then let my employer know that we were waiting to be matched with children in the foster care system. That we had decided to adopt siblings, and I would be happy to help train my replacement.
Overhearing other woman my age talking about how they were fine with the fact they would never have children–claiming their clients were the family they would never have. It made me sad to hear these things and understand that for a woman there really is a choice to be made when we decide to become a mother.
When I gave notice, I didn’t get the red-carpet treatment instead I was met with “the attitude” that same attitude so many young mother’s face when they announce they are pregnant. I had given well over 3-years of my hard work to this company, so I didn’t feel wrong about leaving. It’s just too bad that becoming an Adoptive Mother isn’t seen as a positive in the world of working mothers!
Did anyone else have a job when they were in the process of adopting? If so, did you tell your employer? Have you tried to stay with your job even after a baby or child was placed? And, did you see any difference in the way the employers treated you?
Related Blogs:
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms: Adoption terms and special needs words may vary from agency to agency. The terms used in this Special Needs Adoption-Related Glossary may be slightly different from one State to another.
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.
Anna Glendenning is also Families.com Insurance and Guest Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/happymomanna/blog