My outlet has always been writing, and because of that, I have accumulated quite the nice possession of original poetry and essays by yours truly. Always very hesitant to share with just anyone, I finally have let that go, and decided to place some of them here.
So on this beautiful Monday morning, I thought I’d share just a couple of poems that were written shortly after the first contact that my biological mother and I had with each other. The feelings were so raw, and so unpredictable back then, it’s interesting for me to go back and read them.
“Only Questions”
Why must I dig so deep?
Why do I care so much?
Why do I dream about you?
Why do I long for your touch?
Do you really care?
Could you ever?
Will you stay awhile?
Or will our bond be easy to sever?
Do you think about me?
Or our special day we share?
When you’re at work or sleeping?
Or did you never really care?
Please don’t get mad,
it’s not a matter of trust.
I’m trying to figure out your heart,
and if its love or lust.
I’m trying hard to get it all back,
and build this bond again.
Remember how my hearts been hurt,
It’s trying still to mend.
And so again I wonder,
do you dream of me each night?
Do you wish to hold your baby?
In your arms so tight?
In my mind these questions,
always seem to burn,
maybe someday they’ll stop
when your love for me returns.
Nicole Humphrey
copyright 1992
“Chasing Rainbows”
Chasing Rainbows, chasing dreams
Nothing is ever what it seems.
Above the rooftops and into the sky,
an evil deception, a trick of the eye.
Disappearing down out of the rain,
no two alike, no two the same.
An illusion, a spectrum of color and grace
standing in grandness, taking up space.
Traveling the colors, beginning to ascend,
Following contours, on the path to the end.
Nicole Humphrey
copyright 1994
“After the Rainbow”
after the first contact when the “search” is overTime goes by,
but nothing changes.
Love is present…
yet caution is always instilled.
Feelings get stronger,
our lives get closer.
Still unanswered questions remain
hidden in the depths of my heart.
And those answers
are behind closed doors.
Locked …
tightly without a key.
I spend my times now,
searching still….
For that key to unlock,
the secrets in your heart.
You are a dream come true,
The bond we share is unconditional.
Yet, still a wall remains,
Slowly crumbling, but not yet fast enough.
Life holds pieces to put in the final puzzle,
but still there are the missing ones.
Lost for so long and yet still,
we hope to unravel the secrets
Until we have the completed puzzle.
Nicole Humphrey
copyright 1994