I started searching for adoptive/foster parent support groups in my area a while ago, and I have yet to find anything. I’ve found groups in the surrounding counties, and even in some cities in our county, but nothing close enough to really make participating in them feasible for us. Granted, we have a bit of a transportation problem lately, and that does limit my options more than most, but is there really nothing in our general area?
Not to mention, if I were to join a group I would prefer the members live close enough to form real friendships with them anyway. I don’t want to just get together once a month to hear tips and tricks for dealing with behavioral problems… I want to get together once a month with people I can also meet for coffee occasionally and get to know better, people I can get to know well enough to actually feel comfortable calling on them in a crisis. And I would like to get to know local adoptive parents so that the child we adopt might have a better opportunity to meet other local adoptees. The children need support and understanding from those who’ve been there as well, not just the parents.
I started writing this post exactly a month ago, and it has been sitting in my “draft” folder waiting… I set it aside because I felt the need to devote a little more time to the search for a group. I thought I might find something and that I just hadn’t looked hard enough yet. So I spent the past month googling, scouring the local adoption/foster websites for information, asking people, and even looking through the local newspapers… I have received no response to the emails that I have sent, and my normally expert googling skills have turned up nothing.
Do we have no foster parents around here? No adoptive parents? Maybe all of the adoptive and foster parents in our area have a strong enough support network in their families, friends, church groups, etc. that they don’t need a special group? Or… maybe there are adoptive and foster parents in our area… and they are out there wishing there was a group, just like I am.
I had thought that it would be a good idea to try and build a good solid support network before a child is placed in our home. More and more it is looking like that will not happen. I have been reading information, like this article, on why adoption support groups are important, for the community, shared experiences, advice, and emotional support that can be found in such a group. I came across an article today on how to be successful with older child adoptions, and guess what it said?! It said you should find a support group in your area. But if I can’t find one, what am I to do?
That article also states that if a support group does not exist in your area, you should start one… I’ve thought about it, and even discussed it with Tom, but I’m not sure. That’s a lot to take on, especially considering how much we are taking on just with the adoption itself. Would it be smart to try and organize a local group, with all the work that would go into such an undertaking, while also taking on an additional child and the stresses that will most likely bring to our family?
I would hate to start something like that and then find that I have bitten off more than I can chew. The benefits would have to outweigh the time commitments and frustration that would come along with it, and there is no way of knowing ahead of time if that would be the case. There are no guarantees. But at the same time I hate to think that there might be other adoptive or foster parents in my area who are wishing there was a group as well and just haven’t taken that step and organized one themselves.