When we think of a cross-cultural relationship or marriage, we usually think of two people who come from different countries or different races. Yet, within every household, every family, there is a way of doing things that will be different from the family next door, the family across the street, the family across town or across the country.
Every marriage has its cultural differences.
The Family’s Power Structure
They say that sometimes, we all have different expectations. Sometimes our expectations are unreasonable and sometimes they are just lofty. But the truth is, our expectations are based on our own perceptions of the world around us and on our own life experiences.
If you come from a family where Dad made most of the decisions and Mom acquiesced when he was there then you have a certain set of expectations how a family can go. If your spouse comes from a family where Dad was only loosely involved and it was Mom and Grandma who made the decisions, then he or she has a different set of expectations. The problem is – you may not even realize the differences in your cultural backgrounds.
These differences can explode in a variety of ways because you both believe things should happen a certain way. Our family backgrounds are not things we think of when we are planning our relationships or our marriages. The same can be said when one spouse comes from a family where abuse was regular and vicious and the other comes from a family where passionate debate was the rule.
Our Differences
These types of cultural differences are not things we may mention, discuss or even rationalize until they become a problem. The important part is recognizing that these differences in background may require the two of you to make adjustments for each other.
It can help to get to know your in-laws to discover the source of the quirks and idiosyncrasies in their behavior. The spouse who is always running early may have a family that does the same and the spouse who is always late may do the same.
Remember, you don’t score points for deciding to be hide-bound and never ever altering your perceptions. Consider for a moment if you packed your family up and moved to France and refused to ever speak French – you’re going to have a really unpleasant and difficult time.
How do you and your spouse cope with your cultural differences?
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