Sometimes I think “intervention” should be the parent’s middle name. After all, we are forever coaching, teaching, advising, and coaxing our children to grow up to be happy, caring, decent individuals and, as I tell my children–citizens. BUT, sometimes we really do have to hold ourselves back and not intervene. We do have to allow for some consequences to unfold naturally in order for our child to get the full and lasting effect and lesson.
Of course, I am not talking about situations where safety is an issue or where the natural consequences will do lasting harm or damage, but we do need to resist our urge to interrupt or influence the outcome of some of our child’s choices. Have you heard the saying that we “repeat the past and repeat our mistakes until we learn from them”? Well, by interfering with the consequences that would naturally unfold, we are actually inhibiting our child’s learning opportunities and stifling his growth and development.
When a child learns to walk, she has to learn to pick herself up when she falls. If mom or dad steps in every time to lift up the child, dust off her grubby knees, and set her right again–she doesn’t develop the confidence and ability to handle it on her own. In fact, she may start to wonder what is so wrong with her that she can’t be expected to get herself up like everyone else? We may think we are protecting and nurturing our children, but we do more damage to their self-esteem by not letting them face the inevitable outcomes of their choices than the consequences bring.
Stand back, stand by, and lend support and understanding–but unless safety and more severe and permanent damage is at hand, let the child deal with and face the consequences that unfold. It will build character and confidence, not to mention resiliency, coping skills, and self-esteem.
Also: Encouraging Children to Take Risks
Is Your Method of Discipline Working?
Sometimes We Have to Let Things Happen