One of the gifts that can happen upon becoming a single parent is that we no longer have to adhere to the same parenting style we used when we were part of a marriage or another situation. We may have developed a style that was reactionary, or made up for things lacking or we may have been able to avoid dealing with things like discipline or nurturing because the other parent “took care of that.” While change is seldom easy, single parenthood can provide us with the opportunity to discover and allow a more authentic version of our parenting style to emerge.
The first step is to let go of what “used to be” and allow ourselves the space and patience to find out who we really are NOW and who want to be as parents. Of course, there are many things that absolutely have to be done and we won’t be able to pass them off on someone else, but having some compassion and acceptance for ourselves can create an environment where we can allow our natural parenting style to come forth. Being a single parent means letting go of some of the gender stereotypes and old, limiting expectations and we may find that we are really great at aspects of parenting we’ve never really delved into before. But, we’ll have to encourage ourselves and talk ourselves through letting go of those old expectations and limitations in order to allow the new room to grow.
Expect some resistance from your children at first. They are used to, and comfortable with, the way things have always been. It will take them some time to adjust to a parent who is handling different things or operating with a different style. As long as you are moving toward your authentic self as a parent and not jumping around inconsistently, your children will adjust and likely respond well to a genuine and “present” parent—even if your style evolves and changes.
See Also: Learning to Trust Our Own Judgment and Let Go of Your Perfectionism