Okay, so single parents are tough—at least many of us like to think that we are. But does this mean that we have to be stoic and tough all of the time? If we get sad, depressed, lonely, or frustrated, does this mean that we are weak or “less” of a parent? For some of us, learning how to let others help and comfort us can be a big personal challenge…
Comfort can come in the most unsuspecting places, but we do have to open ourselves up and let ourselves feel and appreciate that comfort. Now, I am not talking about pity here or engaging others into helping us feel sorry for ourselves. I am talking about genuine comfort—a friendly hug, a helpful hand, an empathetic and listening ear—all of these personal gestures can go a long way in helping us feel bolstered and supported as we face our daily challenges.
We can block those comforting gestures by others if we appear too stoic or if we send the strong message that help and support is neither welcome nor needed. Sometimes, we may need to actually ask for comfort and this can feel incredibly risky. I know that there have been times as I have been learning to be more open and vulnerable in my single parent challenges that I have asked for help and comfort from people who were really unable to “be there” for me—this was a bit of a set-back and made it even more difficult for me to ask for or accept comfort again. Many of us have been through such emotional trials that we feel distrustful of others and determined that we will be “strong” and not let ourselves get dependent on anyone ever again. This is all well and good, but we may be keeping ourselves from experiencing comfort and closeness that could be healthy and available.
It takes time to find safe people and learn how to be open and trusting in order to let the comfort of others soothe and support us—but for a single parent, we can really use all the comfort and bolstering we can get!
Also: Wrestling With Identity
There Are Other “Relationships”