I have written here in the Single Parents Blog about how important it can be for us to allow ourselves to be comforted by others when we are going through a particularly difficult time. This can be a healthy way of receiving support so that we do not dump a bunch of stuff on our kids AND so that we can meet life’s challenges. Vulnerability is another issue that can be tough for single parents. Since many of us have had our trust shattered or been through typical challenges of human betrayal, we may have a hard time getting vulnerable with other people.
I have wrestled with seeing vulnerability as a weakness in myself and I know that I am not alone. Many of us were raised this way—crying was seen as a sign of weakness as was letting other people “up in your business.” That can make it tough to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, honest and open with other people—especially those that are newer in our lives.
The truth is, it is not always appropriate to be vulnerable and our ability to be stoic can be a survival technique. Letting people you hardly know in on all your secrets and concerns may not be a good idea, however, as you get more trusted friends in your life and you move into the friendship zone, you may need to learn how to let your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Yes, this can open you up to being hurt and betrayed, but consider the alternative.
What we can do is take it slow and easy, and care for ourselves while we work at allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others. Choose safe people and those who we know well and do not feel pressured into disclosing with someone just because they have disclosed with you. I find that the more in control I can feel about who I am vulnerable with, the healthier and less scary it can be.