You may think it’s a bit late for New Year’s resolutions, but I always give myself some slack the first two weeks of January. I want to enjoy the full 12 Days of Christmas, and then I want to get back into the work/school routine again so that I can really see where we want to make changes.
I have made suggested resolutions for adoptive parents before, and made others just for myself before. Upcoming blogs will have my reflections on those resolutions, as well as information on events in 2008 that affect the world of adoption, such as the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids program, which employs extra social workers specifically focused on finding the best families for specific foster care children.
I could write several pages about things I want to do with and for my kids, things I want to do to continue learning more about Korean culture and make contact with Koreans and other Asian Americans, things I want to do to serve and advocate for children here and abroad.
However, I have finally realized that my energy to serve and advocate, and my disposition with my children and family, are directly related to how well I take care of myself. It’s something everyone always says to do, something I’ve heard a million times. Yet somehow it seems that we never really hear it, never really think what it would mean in our own lives.
I’ve always had it in my mind that if I really need or want to, I can force myself to keep going, even if I crash later. This strategy worked okay for my college years. I went to graduate school in my late twenties, and I noticed even then that I couldn’t write papers into the morning hours the way I had only a few years before.
So, my first resolutions will focus on self-care. In January, I will make it my priority, no matter what, to get between seven and nine hours of sleep every night—most nights closer to nine. In February I will focus more attention on fitness, and in March on nutrition.
Of course, I’m not intending to begin staying up until all hours in February, or to stop exercising in March. But I’ve heard that it takes three weeks to establish a habit. I’m hoping that a few weeks of focusing on doing each of those things no matter what else happens—going to bed no matter what’s undone this month, maybe exercising no matter how tired I am next—will help me be a better parent.
You may not need to do these things. But as a fellow adoptive parent, there are a few extra stressors in our lives. For the most part, we’re just like any other parents. We don’t have to think about adoption all the time.
Yet, we do get asked questions by strangers which take our attention and energy, if not much time. When our children ask “big” questions about their pasts, we can feel drained afterward, even if we believe we’ve handled the conversation flawlessly. We have to stretch ourselves to make connections with other adoptive families, and perhaps with other cultural communities. If we are still in the adoption process, we deal with repetitive detailed paperwork and an uncertain time line. Sometimes our kids have special needs. Sometimes their special needs, like learning disabilities or issues with higher-level language tasks, are hidden from others who may not understand why we have too much on our plate to fundraise for the PTA or serve at our church dinner.
Take the time for self-care, and that will free up energy for your family. Our kids’ childhood is going fast. We’ve missed some of it already, so we don’t want to waste any more.
Please see these related blogs:
New Year’s Resolutions for Adoptive Parents
There’s a Lesson in Here Somewhere