For those of us who are single parents by separation or divorce, or share custody and parenting with another parent in some way, holiday traditions and holiday time can mean custody negotiations and turning to our parenting agreements to see whose turn it is. There are so many different ways that two-household families “do” holidays–from sharing them to alternating years, holidays, etc. How we handle holidays and how we establish traditions when we have to share can be one of the big challenges of single parenthood.
In my world, holidays used to be much more regulated when my children were younger. When I look back at that original parenting plan, we dedicated a fair amount of column inches to organizing the holiday schedules. Now that they are nearly grown, they have much more of a say about things and their opinions and desires come into play. They are sensitive enough that they do try to see both parents and both families during important holidays so we have less alternating than we used to. Still, alternating holidays is one of the ways divorced and separated families handle the holidays.
I know of one family where the child is with one parent pretty much full time and then spends any holidays and vacations with the other. Most of the families I know, however, do some variation on alternating–whether it is alternating every holiday during the year (Christmas at Dad’s, Easter at Mom’s, Thanksgiving at Dad’s, Christmas at Mom’s and so on) or alternating by the year or even a more complicated variation of the alternating schedule–many of us spend a fair amount of time and diplomacy hammering out a workable arrangement for the holidays. If your family is anything like mine, however, you can expect that things may evolve and change over time. What works when the kids are little, may not necessarily work as well as they get older.
Also: Tag-team Parenting
Marriage and Whose House to Go to During the Holidays