When a relationship isn’t going well, it’s commonplace to share problems with an objective friend or acquaintance. Sometimes, this type of intimate communication can lead to more. You may start out just looking for a shoulder, but if you find a ready and willing listener who seems to truly care about your feelings, you may be tempted to turn to this person for emotional fulfillment instead of turning to your spouse.
This is how so many affairs begin. There is something missing, something that one spouse needs that he or she is not getting from the marriage. When that spouse looks outward to get his or her needs met, it can and often does lead to trouble. The thing that many people don’t realize is that affairs are not just about sex. It may end up becoming a sexual affair, but it often begins because of other unmet needs.
If you aren’t getting what you need at home, speak to your spouse. Do not look to another person. Be open and honest and let your spouse know that you are afraid for your marriage if things do not change. If you have been spending time with another person and seeking emotional support, appreciation, assurance of your worth from him or her, you would do well to limit that relationship. Don’t put yourself in a compromising position, such as being alone with that person, if you really don’t want the relationship to go any further.
So many husbands and wives have deemed such relationships innocent and believed that the other person was just a good friend. They tell themselves that they would never cheat on their spouses, but when people are feeling very vulnerable, they don’t always think clearly. When people hurt, they want to feel better. It only takes a moment to break your vows, but it takes a lifetime to restore that trust, if it can be restored.
If you want to improve your marriage, and you really don’t want the outside relationship to turn into a full fledged affair, take action to keep it from happening. “It just happened,” is an excuse that is full of hot air (to put it nicely), and it only adds insult to injury. No matter what you tell yourself, no one is above giving in to temptation in a vulnerable moment, so it’s best to avoid even the possibility.