My last blog talked about rituals and celebrations for adoptive families. Of course, adoptive families celebrate the normal family occasions such as birthdays. While these absolutely should be celebrated, sometimes an adoptive child may also feel sadness on their birthday, as they realize that it is the anniversary not only of their birth, but of that their birthparents decided not to parent them. (I have written a blog that talks about helping a child deal with mixed feelings surrounding birthdays.)
Many adoptive parents also celebrate “Gotcha Day” on the anniversary of the day they received the child. Some parents try to celebrate the day they met the child, the day the child came home, and the finalization date! (These are usually parents with only one or two children!)
In my family’s experience, Baptism was the “naming and claiming” rite. Part of the Catholic service is for the priest to ask the parents if they promise to raise this child with love and educate them in the Faith. Then, the community is asked if they will help and support the parents in raising the child. For me, that said it all. We added a first name to our children’s Korean names, which we kept as middle names. Many Catholics from other countries take a saint’s name when they are baptized, so it isn’t that different. We’ve always said the girls can begin using their Korean names if they choose to. (Our daughter went through a phase in preschool where she wanted to be called by her Korean name, but it only lasted a couple of days.)
For my children, I try to celebrate the anniversaries of their Baptisms and the feast days of their patron saints (some countries call these “Name Day” celebrations. Together with birthdays, that seems to be all we can keep up with. (It doesn’t help that all five people in my immediate family have a birthday within a month of Christmas, as do a few extended family member. ) For one of my daughters, her feast day is the same day as her homecoming, which makes it easier to remember.
Emphasizing our Catholic heritage has been a nice way for us to talk about our faith as expressed in different countries. We try to acknowledge the many Korean saints and martyrs. Also, at least one birthparent was Catholic, so that is a commonality.
We also have a biological son who is close in age to our adopted kids. I emphasize the saints’ days and Baptism anniversaries since all three of the children have those. We always do remember the day each girl arrived, even if it’s only a bit of reminiscing at dinner.
Some adoptive families who have a biological child and then adopt celebrate “Sibling Day” or “Family Day” on the day their adopted child came home, saying that that is the date their family became complete. But what if you have more than one adopted child?
Of special interest to families who have adopted from India is a holiday celebrating siblings, described in the book Bringing Asha Home.
What are your family’s traditions celebrating adoption or your adopted child?
Please see this related blog:
Naming, Claiming, and Letting Go