Why did you and Daddy get divorced? That has to be one of the hardest questions in the world, and one many of us just don’t know how to answer.
When Hailey was in sixth grade the school counselor called me and asked me to come in, it seems Hailey had a meltdown at school and was inconsolable. I rushed to the school with a million different things running through my head, what could have happened to upset her so much?
When I got to the school the counselor met with me before she took me to see Hailey. It seems that the divorce came crashing down on Hailey’s head because she just didn’t understand. At this point her father and I had been divorced for two years so I couldn’t understand why suddenly she was this upset.
The counselor told me that Hailey felt like no one had given her a real reason for the divorce. She told the counselor she thought our family was fine, only people who fought and yelled all the time got divorced and we never did that. She just wanted to know why.
I explained to the counselor that the reasons for the divorce I didn’t think were appropriate to share with a child, that some things were just not her business. I thought that my explanation that sometimes people grow apart instead of together and that although her father and I cared about each other we could no longer live together. I made sure to tell her over and over that we would both always love her and be there for her. Apparently that wasn’t enough.
There were several reasons I got divorced, some of them I will not share with Hailey. The counselor and I decided to focus on Hailey’s fathers substance abuse, how when people abuse drugs or alcohol it changes their personality and causes them to treat other people in ways that are hurtful.
We talked with Hailey together and I answered all of her questions as best I could, strictly focusing on the substance abuse. We talked for over an hour, she asked a lot of tough questions but by the end of it I think she felt better and understood things a little more. I think that children are afraid that if we stop loving each other we will one day stop loving them as well. Little do they know, nothing could be farther from the truth.