As my full time job requires I have a good understanding of community standards I try and keep up with what community centers are offering around the US. What centers accept Medicare, have sliding fee schedules, or provide outreach are things I keep an eye out for. These centers often provide great services to all via their websites, so they are good resources.
In one of my recent quests I came across a center in Montclair, NJ. I don’t know anything about the center itself, but they had a great article in the “Montclair Patch” about children/teens with anxiety. My kids have a lot of anxiety and even though I am a therapist I know better than to try and provide “treatment” to my own children; as a result I am always reading up on the best and most effective approaches.
When reading the article I realized that I had actually been doing some of things that a therapist would do: I have discussed anxiety symptoms and tried to help my kids understand the nature of anxiety, and I have discussed relaxation techniques to try and help them calm down. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with this, as my 18 year-old could find out this info on the internet if she wanted. But I also realized that I was teaching them these things while they were experiencing anxiety symptoms, primarily out of frustration. Not the best approach.
As a parent, it is difficult when your child is doing things that impact your life in a negative way, especially when the behavior seems irrational. One of my kids is afraid to go into an area of the house unless someone else is there. She has been this way regardless of the size of our home – even when we lived in a small apartment. If I am in the kitchen and she needs to go into my bedroom to use the bathroom, she wants me in the bedroom.
As a therapist I UNDERSTAND that anxiety is irrational and that without proper help things will only get worse. As a parent I want to pull my hair out that someone has to drop everything to accommodate her irrational fears. I also know there is no specific reason she has this fear. Nothing has ever happened to her to cause it. So I have been resistant to take her to therapy because of my history in working with teens with problematic behavior – almost all of them had a bad therapist in the community that made them WORSE by assuming something had happened to make them sick, rather than understanding that sometimes anxiety is more biologically based. I know there are more great therapist out there then bad ones; I’m just not confident I can figure out which is which.
So, the article is a basic discussion about cognitive-behavioral therapy – the most commonly used form of therapy used for anxiety. What was great, for me, was a reminder of why I enjoy being a therapist. With simple, careful steps you can help a child move beyond the fears that are holding them back and help them live a more ‘normal’ life. I think I allowed my more extreme professional experiences darken my view of a great thing, and it’s time to get my kids to a therapist. Lesson learned –keep an open mind and give your kids what they need.