By the time I got divorced, my oldest daughter was in her late teens and my youngest was 10. Although I wasn’t ready to run to the altar any time soon, I did find that I wanted to date, and perhaps find my true “Mr. Right.” Flying solo on yet another Valentin’s Day wasn’t something I looked forward to.
Not wanting to leave things in the hands of fate, I signed up on a few respected online dating sites. I didn’t go crazy with the dating thing, and I always tried to be very careful about who I talked to. For the most part, I had a good time meeting some nice men, but I learned some lessons along the way as well.
Over the course of time I discovered many things about the dating world in general, and especially about online dating. Call me old-fashioned or naive, but I like to assume that most people are up front and honest. Well, I quickly learned that this wasn’t always the case in the cyber-dating world. Of course, I didn’t want or expect total perfection, but I did want someone who was a good match for me.
On my profile I posted a current picture, truthful information, and what I was looking for in a potential partner. Let me tell you, when you’re new on a dating site you truly feel like a fresh piece of meat thrown at a pack of hungry wolves. It seemed easy to weed out the men who appeared legitimately kind and loyal, though I soon found out that even my most basic instincts were wrong at times.
I never talked to a man on the phone unless we had shared several emails over the period of a few weeks. If we both still felt a connection then I moved on to talking with him over the phone for a few weeks. Provided that things were still going well, we’d meet at a coffee shop. This is where the proof was in the pudding. A lot of men want to meet you right away and see what may transpire, but I always feel that good things come to those who wait.
Even though these men had supposedly been completely up front with me, one turned out to be ten years older than the photo he had posted. Another lived out of state—-and drove four hours just for coffee! One was “between jobs again,” and another admitted that he was in the military and was being shipped out in three days.
Truthfully, I was about the throw in the towel with this whole online dating thing and give up on romance entirely. But then I took a look at my profile to see if I could change anything and attract better men or at least deter the wrong ones. I think I shared too much about myself. It was easy for potential predators to say all the right things after reading my words. I also opted to change my photo to one of just my face (smiling, and not something sultry) rather than my entire body. I dress rather conservatively, but it’s amazing at the comments you get if you have a full body photo.
Sure, I still wanted to be honest in my profile and was willing to give this thing one last shot. I know that there are a lot of honest, gentle, successful men who are looking for true love. You just have to get the weeds out of the flowerbed.
Another thing I did was to make a list of rules–what I would not put up with and some red flags to tip me off if the guy wasn’t who he portrayed himself to be. I also made a list of questions I would ask any potential date. This helped to uncover men who were less than honest. It may sound very calculating or maybe even paranoid, but you can’t be too sure or too safe these days.
In the end, I did find true love. It was a long, slow learning process, but it was a growth experience as well. I learned how to really choose a man who complemented me rather than just going out with someone because they thought I was attractive or they were simply lonely. This episode in my life also helped me to lay a lot of past relationship issues to rest.
So, is online dating a good way to find Mr. or Ms. Right? Yes and no. You need to be very careful, not rush into anything, and create a set of rules you live by and questions to ask potential dates. There are so many good people in the world looking for true love, don’t settle for the first person who comes along if he or she is not a good match for you.