It used to be that the mommies got together and the babies played. But it seems these days that scheduling our children’s lives from even infancy is a big focus of the parenting game. Babies need socialization–or so I’m told. They need to make friends–so sayeth the experts. I must confess that it leaves me scratching my head.
Now don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the occasional park date with other moms who have similar aged children. I definitely love the social time and of course the kids love going to the park. But my babies needing to socialize and make friends? Is that even possible?
Where Babies Learn Social Skills
As I’ve worked with moms now for a few years and even as I watch my own children, I have come to a very firm conclusion. If you want a baby who grows into a toddler who is nice to other children, you must be nice. It’s not about practicing sharing over and over again (although there is certainly some merit to that) but it’s so much more about your behavior at this age. Simply put, if you want your toddler to use his ‘nice words’ then you must use yours. They are sponges and the primary influence does not come from play dates for an hour or so at the park in which they navigate and negotiate their way through shared toys and sand. Their primary influence comes from you. Bottom line (and yes, I know this is going to make me unpopular), if your young toddlers are exhibiting less than ideal attributes in social situations, a long hard look in the mirror is in order. (Note: This doesn’t mean young toddlers never exhibit poor behavior. Even super nice, patient and kind moms have some bad days.)
Social Development
Should you not plan any play dates then? I wouldn’t necessarily say that either. Although my toddler isn’t ready to make a bff–I certainly am ready for the social time. But I think it’s critical to look at the purpose of a play date.
Babies and young toddlers cannot have their development forced. In other words, there are certain things that their brains are just not ready to contemplate yet. Young toddlers have great difficulty sharing because they are focused on themselves. They also can’t communicate that well yet which can further lead to frustration. In other words, if your baby hates the play date, it’s okay to stop. Soon enough, they will be children who cannot get enough of their friends.
So how far out of the way do you go to schedule play dates for your baby and why do you do it?
Related Articles:
Planning Play Date and Play Group Activities
Play Dates–Not Just for Your Toddler
Toddler Playdates and Picking Up Bad Social Habits
Valorie Delp shares recipes and kitchen tips in the food blog, solves breastfeeding problems, shares parenting tips, and current research in the baby blog, and insight, resources and ideas as a regular guest blogger in the homeschooling blog. To read more articles by Valorie Delp, click here.
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