Is your child’s birthday one more day that you dread because you have to figure out how to share it with your ex? When I was first divorced Hailey’s birthday loomed over me like a dark cloud. I didn’t want it to be one more holiday that she would have to split between mom and dad’s house.
That first birthday after the divorce was hard. Hailey was sad, her family was glaringly divided. After that year I decided never again. I wanted Hailey’s birthday to be a celebration for and about her. So I called my ex husband and hashed it out.
I know it’s not always possible but if it is, you should make an effort to have a family party. That means both sides of the family. Let your child celebrate her day with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents from both sides.
This may mean finding a neutral place to have the party if neither of you feels comfortable on the other’s turf. It was easy for us, Hailey is a summer baby. We were able to find a park with a pavilion and have her party there.
If your child is a cold weather baby look at different places around town, a skating rink, a children’s museum, a kids pizza parlor. There are options everywhere, you just have to find them.
Explain to your ex that you would like this to be all about your child, with no separation of families, just a day for them. Tell him some of the places you’ve checked and how much is will cost, ask him to pay half. Let him know that you would love his family to be there so your child can celebrate with all the people she loves.
The first couple years are awkward. No one knows quite what to say to anyone else but if you persist before long this will be the norm and no one will think it is strange.
Your child will have wonderful birthday memories and know that you don’t just say that he is the most important thing, you actually show it.