I would probably argue that the children of single parents have a tendency to be pretty high on the independence scale. Just the fact that there is only one adult to tend to things can force a child to learn how to either do some things on her own, or learn to help out a bit. But, even so, there may be times when we need our children to step up more—we need them to help out a little, or at least become more independent in managing their own “stuff.” What can we do as a single parent to try to foster a little more independence on the part of our child or children?
What I have learned is that instead of just expecting my kids to be more independent I have to let them know what I expect of them or what I would like to see happen, train and teach them until they feel confident, give them time and not expect too much all at once, and offer rewards and encouragement to make that increased independence worth while.
So how does this play out in real life? Let us say that I would like my children to help out more with the laundry. Historically, I have been a parent who is taking care of all the laundry—except that the children put their dirty laundry into their hampers. I’m doing all the sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting the laundry at the door of the child to put away him or herself. But, I’d like MORE independence and help with laundry: first I would need to identify exactly what I’d like them to do (sort the laundry, wash a load, fold and put away, etc.) and share this with them. I can expect some balking and probably someone will say: “But I don’t know how!” This is where I will give them the lessons and ask them to do it with me a few times. Finally, having a reward or encouraging treat in mind can help spur them on as well.
As a single parent, there are things we can do to make it easier and more likely for our children to be more independent. Putting things at their level and not up to high or hidden away, leaving clear expectations on a note or chart, giving them the time, space and resources to get the job done without too much stress and frustration. I do believe that if we make it easier and set clear examples, we can get our children to take on more responsibilities and we can foster increased independence.
Also: Every Day is Independence Day